Excuse Me Miss?

Bon Appetit

The other day while I was at the mall I couldn’t help but notice a man with both hands full of shopping bags and pushing a baby carriage was having trouble opening the door. As I was staring at him from across the mall admiring him for getting his Christmas shopping done early…. Really no man ever does that… I was shocked. I realized no one was opening the door for this unique breed of Super Dad. So I immediately came to my senses ran over and opened the door for this gentleman. My Good Samaritan deed for the day had been completed. However, I couldn’t help but think… what happened to general manners?  What happened to opening the car door for your date, saying Hello, complimenting a stranger or just helping one another?

There are plenty of nice gestures that seem to be ignored or go unnoticed. The other day while I was at work I saw a fellow employee strolling down the hallway at the same time I was. I looked at them with a giant smile on my face and said, “Good Morning.” To my astonishment this person immediately looked down and walked outside. Uhhh RUDE…. Listen here lady… I said, “Good Morning,” I didn’t have to. I thought saying, “Good Morning,” with a million dollar smile would help with the awkwardness of the dreadful hallway walk but instead….. You decided to make me feel like I farted on a cement floor in front of millions.

Speaking of farting…. let’s move on to the bodily function that leaves people in the dust (literally). Have you ever been in a store and had the unfortunate experience of being “Crop Dusted.”

Crop Dusted: When someone walks by you and releases an explosion of gas that leaves you to reap the stench.

We have all been victims or have been the one to release such a violent bodily function. Let’s be honest from the time we were born till we die…… farting is never going to acceptable. This is why it is important to know what foods don’t agree with your belly before you go into public.

Have you ever wondered why woman continuously order salads or light meals while on date? It isn’t just because we don’t want the extra calories or you to think we actually might have an appetite… it has to do with not totally embarrassing ourselves on a date. We are taking into consideration the possibility of crop dusting our date….. and well we know if that happens it won’t lead to a second.

Fellas, we know you think it is a little more acceptable for you to let loose but listen to me…. when I say you will have better luck opening the car door, complimenting her on her ohh soo chic outfit, and pulling out her chair than releasing something that could be potentially deadly.